Relapse to Realtiy

“I want this to be something that you can do, feel good about, that is realistic.” It was with these words from my dietitian that I gained back some exercise privileges after the hardest, quickest, and most daunting relapse I have ever had. While for a runner, a short walk seems like nothing, this walk was more then just a walk. It was a symbol of trust. My dietitian trusted me to maintain certain conditions in order to walk. It was a symbol of progression. It was a symbol of recovery. Reality had hit, and I was back on the road of recovery, a road that I was afraid had completely disappeared. I road that I had almost come to the conclusion I did not deserve. A road that my eating disorder had lied to me about saying that it was worse then his road. Well, he was and is wrong! The road of recovery, while unknown, scary, and hard to walk down, is also a road with flowers lining it instead of thistles, a road with sunlight to show the way at times instead of a darkness that not only blinded my eyes but also my heart, a road that leads to freedom, to laughter, to love and to life.