As we counted down last night, my stomach was turning. Not with excitement of a new year but with anger. 2011. A year I had been looking forward to for quite some time but for the past week, I had suddenly started resenting the year. 2011 was the year I was "suppose to" graduate from PT school, move to Cali, get a job I loved, and start really living MY life but as the end of 2010 came to a close I looked at what I was doing with my life and it was not at all close to that picture. I am not graduating in 2011, I have had to stop school and move in with my parents in Kansas City after treatment, I'm still in therapy many days of the week, if not in therapy, I'm at AA meetings (which don't get my wrong, I love the friends I've made there and wouldn't trade them for the world) and I don't feel like I'm living the life I want at all right now.
5....4....3...2...1....
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So I could choose to sit in self-pity? Crying to myself about how my life sucks right now. But instead, I am choosing to look at 2011 as a clean slate. This is a new year with new opportunities. I get the chance to go back to school in April if I work my butt off between now and then. This is something to look forward to, not take for granted. I get to shape my future how I want it to be, while in recovery. I mean, how awesome is that! Ya, it's hard work, but a future in recovery is a lot less miserable then a future in my eating disorder, or a future using some type of substance. It all begins today, with this clean slate. I get to paint on it however I feel. And it's ok to mess up every once in awhile. It's all a part of the process. Two of the biggest lessons I learned in 2010 are 1). I'm not invisible and 2). I can pick myself up when I fall. I will take those two lessons with me into this year along with acceptance, self forgiveness and willingness.
I am in a similar boat and I like the idea of the clean slate. I just finished up an EIOP for an Eating Disorder I need to remember the new coping skills and to reach out for help when I need it. I don't want to go back to feeling invisible. I hope 2011 is a great year for you.
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ReplyDeleteI had the same kind of year; everything went wrong in 2010, including now being separated from my husband. I vow that in 2011 my eating disorder is not going to take another thing away from me!
ReplyDeleteI wish you the best of luck and you are in my prayers!
Don't forget that dreams know no expiration date and are flexible on life's timeline. Allow yourself the grace of acceptance of how your life and dreams have moved, changed, and remained. I found this quote yesterday and love it... "We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day." ~Edith Lovejoy Pierce Take advantage of your blank book in 2011 and write ALL OVER IT! :)
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