The Beauty of Living

Walk in the Park this weekend with friends

It seems like only yesterday that I thought my world as I knew it was over. Partially, it was, but what I didn't know was the beauty of what was to come. Two years ago at this time, I was walking around the halls of a hospital, trying to manipulate every nurse that I could there. Making them believe I was an innocent girl who only wanted to do the right thing, until their backs were turned. I was angry at just about everyone, except the nurse that gave me medicine because at least that allowed me to numb out some. I was angry at my school's rules that I had to drop out for a year because of missing some of my rotation. I was angry that I couldn't leave the hospital until I agreed to residential treatment. I was angry that my parents now knew more of what was going on. Simply put, I was angry that I was alive.

Today, I write this after finishing my last day of physical therapy school classes, 1 day before my hooding ceremony and 2 days before I walk across the stage and graduate with my Doctor of Physical Therapy degree. This degree means more to me today then it ever meant 2 years ago. At that time, I was merely going through the motions, graduation was suppose to be a year away and it was just the "next step." It didn't really mean anything to me. You see, I wasn't living life then. I did what I had to do to get by. I studied, went to school, slept, ate (sometimes), numbed out however I could, and made sure my mask of happiness was always securely on. In the last 2 years, I have lived, truly lived, more then I had in the 6 years prior. Not only have I made accomplishments academically, but I have personally, mentally, and emotionally. I hate that I spent so much time in life stuck, not living, not experiencing, not loving, not truly laughing, but I'm SO glad that I'm able to do so now. What's holding you back from living?