Life is Hard, but Worth it

Life is definitely hard sometimes. There are curveballs thrown when you least expect them, or least want them. Days when you just want to lay around and relax, but you can't. The last 2 hours have been extremely hard for me. The prep for the colonoscopy was really triggering but I knew that I needed to take care of myself and do exactly what was told of me, so I did. Yes, I was extremely exhausted from fighting all day, but I did it. Why? Because one day of letting Ed have control is 1. never just one day, 2. one day too many, 3. another day of opportunities for me that I have lost. Life

is too short, too precious and too wonderful to spend any more of it with his rules. So I'm slowly breaking them. Slowly embracing the life I was made to have. So now I'm having to battle getting back on my normal eating as currently every bit of food has made me curl into a ball in pain, but I will continue to eat in small portions. Pushing through the pain just a little bit each time. I know my body needs it. It was made to need energy through food.

It's been awhile since I've written as things have been really busy this week with finishing up school then I was just really taking some time for myself. I spent a couple days, while still staying on track with recovery, not focusing so much on eating disordered things. I got a pedicure. I did some painting. I took pictures on a walk. I talked with friends. I spent time at church laughing with people I love. I lived life! Life without Ed knocking at my door 24 hours out of the day. It's a glorious reminder of what life can be, and what God intended for it to be.