Blindfolded

I recall saying "But I'm working so hard!" a lot lately, among other excuses that I did not always see as excuses. Something else I was blinded to was that the work I was doing was merely to keep me afloat, if that. It did seem hard at the time, I cannot minimize that, but I was not giving the 110% that I thought I was giving. Excuses became second nature. They rolled off my tongue just as easily as the hateful comments, lies and ignorant thoughts did. No longer was I in my own mask but instead I had been blindfolded. I could not see reality. I could not see the pain in others eyes as I looked them in the face and denied, lied and cried. I could not hear truth. I could not feel love. I was in my own bubble, one that was self created, then somehow locked without me realizing it. Somehow that blind fold was taken off though. God pulled and tugged at it for awhile and I held on. I did not want to see reality. While my world that I had created was nothing but pain and sorrow, something about it was comforting. It was mine. But God prevailed as always and I surrendered and let him have the blindfold, let him unlock the bubble and let him hold me as I opened my eyes, heart and mind to what I had turned away from before.

Suddenly in front of me was love, light, hope, desire, another chance, a fork in the road and I had a choice to make. I could continue along the side that I had been traveling on, or I could go the opposite direction. I couldn't see far along that path but I heard a voice telling me "Trust" "Believe" "You can do it!" So I made the turn and set one foot in front of the other. I am now aware that the hard work I thought I was doing was not truly hard work. This path, now this is hard. Having a migraine all weekend, in my past, would have given Ed all the power in the world to keep me from eating all weekend. But every time I woke up from naps, I got up and ate. I told Ed that he did not have power over me. I am becoming alive! I have a voice. And my voice is louder than Ed's.

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God is Alive- Fee

Let the darkness flee. It’s got no power over me. I have been set free, God is alive.
Death where is your sting. Sin has got no hold on me. I am free indeed. God is alive.
We’ve been redeemed. So rise and sing.
Everyone glorify the risen Son. The Holy One has overcome. Jesus is alive. The enemy is broken underneath His feet. Death is crushed in victory. Jesus is alive. Jesus is alive.
Let us wake and rise. Lift your voices lift our eyes. We’re gonna shout we’re gonna shake the skies. God is alive.
We’ve been redeemed. So rise and sing.
Everyone glorify the risen Son. The Holy One has overcome. Jesus is alive. The enemy is broken underneath His feet. Death is crushed in victory. Jesus is alive. Jesus is alive.
The empty grave is singing now it’s shouting out. He is alive, He is alive. And we are free.
The empty grave is singing now it’s shouting out. He is alive, He is alive. And we are free.
We’ve been redeemed. So rise and sing.
Everyone glorify the risen Son. The Holy One has overcome. Jesus is alive. The enemy is broken underneath His feet. Death is crushed in victory. Jesus is alive. Jesus is alive.