I've been doing a lot of thinking in the last hour, reflecting back on the day. It has kinda been a long one, but short at the same time. I slept through my alarm (apparently my body was still a little knocked out from the past 48 hours before that), and then rushed to get ready to go home because I had a meeting with a counselor in Overland Park at 2:30. It was neat to meet with this counselor. She is doing a lot of research for a presentation she is giving at a coming conference. It was just nice to sit down, talk about my experiences, knowing that she was going to use that information to hopefully help others. That is my dream: that I make it through all of these trials now with my perfectionism, eating disorder, anxiety, self-harm, etc so I can really truly show hope to others and help them find a place of healing. While I'm making great strides, I know I still have a ways to go because I'm a ways from where I want to be. One thing she asked was if I could picture myself without my perfectionism, and for once I was able to say yes. I told her that while its a far off picture, almost dream-like, I am able to picture it now.
I then had a nice time shopping for some clothes for my clinical with my mom before picking up my dad at the airport. We then went to dinner and I really felt like I was part of the experience for once. I wasn't having to self talk my way through every bite. I was present in the moment. And now, I sit here writing this with my dog curled up along my side thinking how grateful I am to be where I'm at. I am loved. I am supported. I have faith. I believe in myself. I have passions and desires. I wish for more, but am enjoying the moments that I experience now. My future is mine and I can't wait to see where it brings me.
